SwagBench: a ranked benchmark of AI and dev tooling merch

§ 01

Wearability against status

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Frontier OLS fit

Pareto drip frontier (2 items) OLS fit of S on W, R² = 0.01 (weak association)n = 219

Figure 1. Each thumbnail is one item at its (W, S) score; small dots mark true coordinates where items were nudged apart. Thresholds W = 5.5 and S = 6.5 are arbitrary. Red staircase: Pareto drip frontier. Dashed: OLS fit of S on W.

§ 02

Leaderboard

Click a row for the analyst take. Click a column to sort.

SwagBench items with scores

1	OpenAIDevDay 2026 clear ModRetro Chromatic (secret dev mode + blank cart)	not sold (DevDay gift)	9	5	10	10	34	TROPHY, NOT CLOTHING
2	OpenAINavier-Stokes milestone tee ('reviewers likely hostile')	Not sold	7	8	10	9	34	GRAIL FIT
3	Anthropic'thinking' cap (Air Mail pop-up, West Village)	Free at pop-up; eBay UK £81.06-£89.10; Forbes: $50-$100 resale	8	9	9	7	33	GRAIL FIT
4	Nebius × CrocsNebius lime Crocs ("One small step for you")	Not sold	8	8	9	8	33	GRAIL FIT
5	TeslaS3XY Short Shorts	$69.420 (2020)	8	5	9	10	32	TROPHY, NOT CLOTHING
6	NvidiaTJ pixel-art Jensen sweater (GTC Taipei gear store)	NT$5,000	8	7	8	9	32	GRAIL FIT
7	NeuralinkMonkey MindPong Tee	$30	7	8	8	9	32	GRAIL FIT
8	AndurilAnduril Industries Motorcycle Helmet	$599	8	5	9	9	31	TROPHY, NOT CLOTHING
9	SupabaseGold SupaCap	Listed at 1,000,000 (joke price, units unclear)	7	6	9	9	31	GRAIL FIT
10	MicrosoftClippy Ugly Sweater	$74.99 (2022)	8	6	8	9	31	GRAIL FIT
11	PalantirOntology Deep Bordeaux Valentines Hoodie	$169	7	8	8	8	31	GRAIL FIT
12	CloudflareCloud Coffee pop-up 'Durable Objects' jackets	not sold (pop-up)	8	8	8	7	31	GRAIL FIT
13	PalantirSovereign Blackout 'SOVEREIGN PLTR' puff-print hoodie	unknown	8	8	9	6	31	GRAIL FIT
14	TBPNGreen F1-style sponsor livery jacket	not sold publicly (gifted to guests, sponsors, friends)	8	8	9	6	31	GRAIL FIT
15	PalantirLightweight Chore Coat	$249 (sold out; 420 units gone day one)	8	9	8	6	31	GRAIL FIT
16	The Boring CompanyNot-a-Flamethrower	$500 (2018)	9	1	10	10	30	TROPHY, NOT CLOTHING
17	AirbnbObama O's + Cap'n McCain's cereal (2008)	$40 per box (TechCrunch said $39 at launch)	9	1	10	10	30	TROPHY, NOT CLOTHING
18	Runway'Burn Rate' hot sauce with a real $100 bill label	$13.99	10	1	9	10	30	TROPHY, NOT CLOTHING
19	TeslaCyberwhistle	S$70 (SG store) / 60 EUR (DE Stealth)	8	3	9	10	30	TROPHY, NOT CLOTHING
20	SupabaseSupabase Select '26 conference badge (hackable handheld)	not sold (event badge)	7	5	8	10	30	TROPHY, NOT CLOTHING
21	NebiusNebius black waffle robe	214 credits (internal store)	8	7	8	7	30	GRAIL FIT
22	OpenAI × Work LouderCodex Micro agent controller	$230 (sold out)	9	4	9	8	30	TROPHY, NOT CLOTHING
23	OxideOxide swag batch ('hot damn')	unknown	8	8	8	6	30	GRAIL FIT
24	PalantirKorea pop-up 2026 'Sovereign' line	unknown (online Nov/Dec)	8	8	8	6	30	GRAIL FIT
25	PalantirEmployee Track Jacket	$250	8	8	8	6	30	GRAIL FIT